She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
