and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
