Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
