Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
