It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
