I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
