At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
