I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
