I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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