Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
