I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
