No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
