he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
