we made out on top of his cat.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
