dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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