let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
