Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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