You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Holy sore nipples Batman
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
