Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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