i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
