I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
