I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
