Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
