some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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