I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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