i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
