This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
