I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
