There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
