I need to stop coming to work sober
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
