please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
