I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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