She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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