Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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