just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
