I wish I could punch you in the face.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
