I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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