I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
