I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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