I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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