Screwed.edu
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
