My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
