Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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