i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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