We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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