Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
