Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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