i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
