Whod you bang
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
