awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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