remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
