He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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