so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
