Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
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We have started to decorate penises.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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