I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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