NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
you never un-have a 4some
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
