i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
