then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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