i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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