Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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