Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
