Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
