I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
