just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
